little paul

Its funny, but I rarely think about how great a father I had. I mean its not that I don’t have his face tattooed across my leg, but sometimes I am really hit with a sense of both joy and pride at my luck, when it comes to getting stuck with a father! Mine has instilled a sense of urgency in everything I do, he has given me determination and drive! My dad has been the single most influential man in my life so far, and I love him for it! He’s the fucking best! And though here I may jest about his alter ego, of which I’ve made up, he is a good man! I owe him everything …

 

… He’s a good man.

So as you know I read, yea it’s something I’m kinda proud of and statistically the average US citizen reads less than 3 books a year, I’m on 20 something already for 2010. Now, as you as well know I’ve been trying to get into this running stuff, and it has been tough … that being said there is a ton of literature on the subject. In doing research on the options available, I found that many people recommend, “The Beginning Runner’s Handbook,” by Ian Macneill. So far it is really a motivating read, but I didn’t buy the book to get motivated, I’m a self starter in that regard, I bought it for the juicy details … how the fuck do I start to run and not ruin this perfect specimen God has given you all. As my father’s said so many times before, “You fucking idiot, just move!” And though his strategies have mostly proven effective, at least in getting him the beer he’s asked for, in this case I weigh almost 260 pounds and people of this size shouldn’t “Just Move.” So reading this book, I’ve decided to use their “proven” 13 week program to start running … I begin July 12th, but I’m going to start next week, and do the first 4 weeks, then start all over again on the 12th … Both because I’m going away on the first of July and because it gives me some time to understand what exactly is being asked of me. Wish me luck, cause I need it …

I like to think that I’m not really starting back at the gym, but really a month of fucking off has really created a gap in my ability to keep the weight off and the muscle on. I’m gonna try some things to tweak my weekly diet to drop some pounds fast but that has never worked before. Anyway I figured you, my internet public, have always kept me honest, and this is the only place I can really bare all and know you won’t judge me … oh wait, yes you will. Whatever, at least you’re kinder than the mirror. I’m realistic in that I’m not going to be showing “Chris style” abs in a week, but I intend on really trying hard to watch what I put in my mouf. Frankly I’m so sick of always saying I’m sick of being overweight and not doing anything about it. I need to take action. So like always, my body is a petri dish, and it’s time to get to experimenting. Like my dad always said, “nothing but being a pussy lasts forever, so quit being a pussy and try something different.” Or at least that’s what I could make out from in between throwing up his liver into the toilet and the sips he was taking from the vodka bottle. He’s the best! But anyway, I want to sit down and really work out the right way to lose weight, and stick to it. This was supposed to be a good year for me, at the gym and it’s turning out that I’ve been letting myself down.

It’s funny but as I’ve thought about what and when to write blog entries, historically I would stick to the gym, my diet or my personal life entries and though rarely I might post things I found funny or interesting via the web. As I’ve recently had the opportunity to get a larger audience, I found myself second guessing the normal “crap” and reluctantly deleting entries I might not want the world to see … dumb. Frankly, as my father used to say to my kindergarten teachers, “I’m not here to impress you assholes, now fucking teach my brat.” Well the second part isn’t so much relevant as the first, but truth be told I don’t really care how stupid I seem, this blog is both therapeutic and fun and I ain’t never gonna give it up … But seriously, for all you new punks trying to make a name for yourself, you’d better check yo’self before you wreck yo’self. Werd? I’m not sure what I’m talking about but I don’t even care, frankly I’m just too drunk to care. Drunk on my own reflection, no seriously I just saw that shit and God Damn, I’m hot.

So I spent the last 18 Business Days Lifting heavy, it was pretty intense: Benching 115 pound dumbbells, Curling 90 pound dumbbells, 810 pound calf raises, both standing and using the leg press machine. The challenge was nice, and next weekend I will take measurements to see if I’ve made any substantial changes in size. But as March is upon us, March Madness is around the corner, and it’s time to get back to cardio. The lifting was fun while it lasted, but my goals are still to lose some more weight, I really rejuvenated my desire by grabbing the gym by the balls, not I need to use this momentum to rocket me forward. I am taking a short vacation in March, and then I’m off to the races. Some times its easy to get overwhelmed by this shit, be it self pressure or work pressures, but the reality is that its in me. I’ve got to stand up and push through. I set some pretty tough goals for 2010, and though I’d like to say I still believe I can achieve them, I am right now not in the place I need to be. Like my father always said, “Cash, Grass or Ass … Put Out or Get Out.” And for some reason there is a chilling rationale behind those god damned creepy words. I got to make this happen, me an no one else.

When all else fails, this is some sound advice.

So it could not have happened at a worse time, I actually fell down a flight of stairs! That’s right, like a fucking idiot, I landed on the small of my back 3 times and slammed my head. Now of course I could sit at home and lick my wounds but this is Lifting Season Bitches, and there are no room for excuses! Though unfortunately I am not going to be able to push myself the next week as hard as I’d like to, but I’m no fucking quitter! Today I curled until my eyes bled and dipped until my spine tapped ‘SOS’ in Morris Code in my back, and that was just the beginning. I kind of feel this pain was attributed to someone telling me not to push heavy weights, dad, but proving people wrong is my anti-drug! Listen I didn’t kill my way to the top of the food chain to ride the sofa and allow the corporate lifestyle to suck the will of life out of me! I’m a shark, and I fight to the death, fuckers! But like my dad always said “If you find yourself in a room filled with predator’s, fuck the baddest one of them all. Make any man who stands in front of your goals your bitch.” Listen, 1 month of 2010 is over, I will never get that month back, but I can make the next 11 my months to succeed. So next time you see me, I’ll most likely be fucking the prom queen in the winner’s circle of your dreams and goals.

So I took some time off, from both the gym and work but from this as well. It funny but though I was away for 11 days, the vacation was a veritable roller coaster of emotions and not as relaxing as I had planned. Christmas was great, and though everyone I love got more than they had asked for, which to me is the whole reason I enjoy the holiday, even I was pleasantly surprised and made happy by Santa’s gifts. I got to bake like a fiend and spent much time with family, both close and extended and that is the root of all joy. I also saw my brother in town, which though our political points of view vary and he basically called me capitalist pig, we enjoyed a few rounds of 64 Mario Kart, and a passingly decent meal at Orange Grill, though service left much to be desired. Also on the 1st of this month Cablevision removed my favorite channel, The Food Network, I have made it my personal quest to eliminate Cablevision as my service provider. But to end this discussion of events past, life is alright. I began this morning on the road to 200 pounds. I’ve officially decided that is my 1 goal for 2010, and this morning I started strong, lifting little but rehashing the Zarou 10 Calorie Sprints, which have always provided great success in the past. It was definitely a tough morning, but every journey begins with a single step and this journey started at 5:20 AM as I stepped out of bed. So like Paul Zarou Sr always says, ‘life is about fucking, if you’re not fucking you should be.’ So let’s get to fucking already.

It’s funny but this past weekend seemed to pass by much faster than those before, with the holidays coming up I am much more anxious and excited. I fucking love Christmas. I only hope my wife and son enjoy their presents. It’s crazy but this past weekend I fought a battle with a door, a gas based heating system (including thermostat), 2 rounds of chocolate chip cookies and most recently with the toilet. Let’s just say, both my knuckles and emotions are raw. This morning I did two handed tricep overhead press with a 100 pound dumbbell, it was sweet. I didn’t do much cardio, I wasn’t in the mood and I was/am exhausted. I don’t get enough sleep, ever. In 10 days I’m on holiday for 11, that too is a pretty cool deal. I hope that it will be filled with baking and fun. I’ve been working for a while now on a list of Movies that I’ve seen, but I want to re-watch in 2010, here are a few:

Fight Club
Man on Fire
Rocky IV
All Harry Potter Movies in a Row (I haven’t seen them all)
Aladdin
Batman (The Original)
Batman Begins
The Machinist
300
Lethal Weapon (First One)
Crank
The Big Lebowski
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Braveheart
8 Mile

I’m sure there are more but those are the one’s I’ve been thinking about recently, and they are pretty fucking fantastic, if I do say so myself. Anyway … there are 10 nights left so get your shopping in bitches, cause Santa’s coming to town, and like my father always used to say, ‘that fat fuck had better bring me some good shit.’

So I Benched 105′s at the gym this morning. Thursday is Chest day, and for the past 2 weeks I’ve been putting up 90s, so like my dad always says, I ‘stopped being a pussy.’ It was pretty sweet. I am considering joining the Twitter nation, but I think only because I want to swear a lot, publicly. I saw a man say, ‘Merry Fucking Christmas’ today after he two handed-pushed another man out of his way on the subway, it seemed an inappropriate way to spread Christmas cheer, and I am an expert in the inappropriate. I am excited about Christmas, partially cause if fucking has CHRIS is the beginning … if I was named Chris, I’d capitalize on that shit. I’m also excited about giving my family gifts for no reason. Seriously that’s one of those things in life when you realize you’re truly happy, when you get off on giving more than getting, and I am one selfish prick. I do not in anyway get excited about the religious aspect of the holiday. Not that Jesus’ birthday isn’t special but what did he give me for mine … nothing. Anyway, if I do start to tweet brace yourself for some fucking hardcore profanity. I’m honestly excited at the thought. Not that I expect anyone to read it, I do however expect you to fucking laugh. It’s been a crazy week for me specifically at work and school, right now I’m dealing with all the year-end shit where everyone decides that their failure to plan became my reason to rush … but I’m out the 24th through the 4th of 2010. I’m sure I’ll post before then but for all you out there remember Jesus gave birth so your parents can buy you shit you won’t play with in 4 years. Remember how hard they work to make you happy for a minute and remember that Santa doesn’t really care about you … your parents do, and that is why we lie.

There are two things about the Holidays I love, Family and Eating … Yea, I’m a fatty fat kid, but that fact is as the years blow by, we need more often to find reasons to get together and just shoot the shit. I enjoy the holidays for this. Its nice to just hang out, eat good food and talk about nothing at all. I think though that the year is just underly spiced with these opportunities. I’m sure if every week there was a reason to get together it would become more a burden than a joy, but a few more than we have already wouldn’t hurt. Listen, as we all mature and move to accommodate our families and careers we must take this time to remember that we have other family, without whom we wouldn’t be we. But don’t forget there is always good food, as my dad once put it, “Get your shit, we’re going to Grandma’s. That fucking trick can cook!”