That’s right ladies and gentlemen, after a long but needed vacation I have returned. It was a good, I got sleep and sun, and ate probably way too much. But I’m back now and things need to change. Officially I weighed in Monday morning at an unacceptable 255 pounds. I did 30 minutes of cardio for the last 3 days to get back in the game, but I’m in this to win this and this is just the beginning. Though this month is a wash, and March Madness is merely a memory, I’m banking on April being my saving grace. Starting next week, I plan on getting my run back on.
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Next week I leave for some time away, much needed time away. Though don’t get me wrong, I like both my life and job, I think I need some sleep. The kind of sleep you get when you know you don’t have to wake up ever if you don’t want. The weekends in the real world are not the reward the weekdays make them out to be. The reality is I long for the warmth of the sun on my face, the kind which fills you from your toes to the hair on your head, like a blanket when you ill, there is nothing better. The gym has been great, heavy lifting is my favorite but I need to let my bones rest, let all the distractions of everyday life fade into the background for a bit. I am very tired. When I return it is my intention to go full speed into cardio like I’ve never before, but right now I just want to sit and stare at the locals in a warm beachy place. I will do little if any blogging, but that should be expected. Peace out homies, if we don’t speak sooner, I’ll see you in the Ides of March.
So I spent the last 18 Business Days Lifting heavy, it was pretty intense: Benching 115 pound dumbbells, Curling 90 pound dumbbells, 810 pound calf raises, both standing and using the leg press machine. The challenge was nice, and next weekend I will take measurements to see if I’ve made any substantial changes in size. But as March is upon us, March Madness is around the corner, and it’s time to get back to cardio. The lifting was fun while it lasted, but my goals are still to lose some more weight, I really rejuvenated my desire by grabbing the gym by the balls, not I need to use this momentum to rocket me forward. I am taking a short vacation in March, and then I’m off to the races. Some times its easy to get overwhelmed by this shit, be it self pressure or work pressures, but the reality is that its in me. I’ve got to stand up and push through. I set some pretty tough goals for 2010, and though I’d like to say I still believe I can achieve them, I am right now not in the place I need to be. Like my father always said, “Cash, Grass or Ass … Put Out or Get Out.” And for some reason there is a chilling rationale behind those god damned creepy words. I got to make this happen, me an no one else.
When all else fails, this is some sound advice.
I began going to the gym to lose weight some 8 years ago. Somewhere along the line I decided I wanted to get BIG. And though strength at that point was my intention, my health had never been the real priority as I was eating like public toilet, completely indiscriminately. But at the beginning of this year I made my most sincerest effort yet to get healthy. It has in so many ways been a struggle to lose weight, but it’s the weight that will keep me down in the long run. I have completely changed my idea of the gym, and the structure by which I eat and more or less live my life. My priority is survival, I have a family and really, I want to be around as long as I can with them. My success I measure by my total weight loss, the ease of the everyday activities and my bi-annual check ups. But today something happened, that made me feel “interesting” about it all. As I was shaving, a fellow gym rat, made a comment on how much weight I’ve lost. Now I typically do not talk to people at all, when I’m at the gym, besides the obligatory “man-nod” once eye contact is made, I tend to just workout and move on. But while shaving I was caught off guard. Of the people at my gym this guy is definitely a talker, but unlike most at my gym, he actually does workout. He’s typically all over the place and doing weird workouts like pull-up handstands and shit that catches everyone’s attention, but the fact that he noticed my weight-loss was both awkward, and slightly satisfying. I am not very good at taking compliments, I’ve never been, and from a guy this shit’s not right. What’s most interesting is that when I stopped worrying about lifting heavy weights or getting big, I am doing more benefit to my body. This I guess is just another affirmation of that I’m taking the right steps to a healthier life.
*You either know what that means or you do not. Either way, this morning’s official Monday weigh-in was much more successful than I’d predicted. So much so that if I can keep this traction I will breeze through my race to 238 goal. But there are some major hurdles ahead, parties galore. I must be of sound mind and strong determination to not be tempted and disciplined enough to endure. This past weekend surprisingly was very successful, though as my more recent posts suggests I had been struggling with a plateau, I seemed to have moved past it. This morning, either do to exhaustion or just simply my constant rushing (as my wife puts it) I twisted my back horribly wrong. The pain is extremely frustrating with my most recent success, so I must take the weight training easy, but the cardio must remain in full gear. No food tastes as good as the sensation of success feels. As well today is the last day of statistics for me, something that for the past 5 weeks has acted like a black cloud of death hanging over me. I know it’s crazy to think that a math class would be such a burden, specifically since I deal with numbers on a daily basis, but this class and the whole online education experience is something that having a home life and demanding career creates an additional struggle, specifically to succeed at. These next few weekends will be filled with many many things, some exciting, such as my son’s birthday and my wife’s graduation, (honestly May is very exciting month this particular year). But still being in April, I’ve gone 12 out of a possible 14 days, which isn’t that damn bad. My struggle now is to remain strong, and dedicated. After all only those who are willing to give up everything can obtain anything.
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Don’t take the header wrong, I possibly have the greatest fucking family in the world. That is I don’t think there’s anyone one who enjoys his immediate and extended family, as well as his in-laws as much as I do. But every weekend, specifically the weekends that I spend with my families, I gain weight (period). It’s not that I am not enjoying myself at the moment. This past weekend was actually a great weekend, pretty busy, filled with almost every element of good times, though not everyone I’d like to have seen could make it, but I ate like a beast! If I truly intend to make my goals at the pace I have chosen, I will have to better discipline my eating, no matter where or what I’m doing. But the most recent ‘official’ weigh-in has me on track, though two weeks have past since I began the race to 238, and I should probably be father along. I am only driven by this lack of immediate achievement to push harder at succeeding. Side note: I am going to start adding music recommendations to this site, read more to enjoy some quality music.
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In the pit of my gut, there is a knot. Something that stirs and urges me forward. I find it disturbing because when the sensation fades, my urgency for accomplishment fades with it. I have had two weeks and half to make progress on the race to 238 and so far have made little impact. It bothers me not so much as I have a month and 2 weeks to meet this goal, but more that I am as weak as I feel. Weakness in my drive and determination, last weekend I was not very good on keeping my portions small. It is my responsibility but I feel here is the place I can vent my frustration with myself. Angry I push myself harder, but again I fall into bouts of weakness. I am going to attempt to identify why, the real cause of my disobedience and if possible root it out. My only fear is that it just maybe weakness of character. In this, I have only missed, last Friday – technically “Good Friday” from going to they gym, which means I’ve gone 10 out of a possible 11 days so far. Last week my wife suggested that I maybe losing size, ultimately muscle mass. I have decided at this point to accept it, though it would be ideal to only lose fat, I feel it is probably impossible. I do however intend to keep working each body part out, to ensure I still have the strength, but weight loss is this year’s “one goal” and so I move forward without reservation. And for all you negative Nancy’s out there, remember I may fall off the horse 1000 times, but I’ll always get back on it.
P.S. Fuck Black Jesus, that’s right I said it!
The intention of the capitals in the heading represent yelling, I am extremely frustrated with my failure this past weekend to keep my mouth closed when the food was passed around. It has inspired me to create a new campaign, which I will launch from this site (more on that to come later). Ultimately though this has just motivated me more. I am not working on this for anyone but me, I am responsible and therefore I am to blame. I must be strong, and when I fall off the horse I got to get back on. We are after all in the race to 238. On some side news, I’ve decided to put the DVD conversion ’09 on hold, though I do have something like 200 movies currently streamable to my Xbox 360, the effort right now is not my main priority. I have however gathered together a large pile I completely intend to rip as they are a greater priority to me at least and having them completed will be my next minor goal for DVD conversion ’09. Completing goals in minor steps makes all goals much more manageable. Anyway, wish me luck, and if you don’t well … Fuck You Miss.
So like a little bitch I indulged last night on some cookies. Honestly in my own defense, they were pretty fucking good, but ultimately it was not worth it. This morning, though not greater than 250 lbs, I gained weight, weight I shouldn’t have. But this crap is bullshit, I am angry with myself and disappointed! Now it is time to get back on track! The race to 238 is back on track … delays aside this shit is real!
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I would have to say that part of my motivation for success was not only posting on this blog, but as well the competition between my coworkers and I, of which I won! That being said we have decided to take this to the next step. I am just as excited about this competition as my goal of 250. Not only is 238 my personal goal, now I am on a quest for the lowest BMI reduction. Now I do not trust my BMI rating, as there are different body types, but a reduction on any scale is a reduction just the same. So as it stands I am now at a BMI of 33. At 238 lbs I will be 31.4, either way still clinically obese. Check BMI here: BMI Calculator.
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