That’s right, I’m back at the gym. It was rough, and by rough I mean, I am a weak little bitch who needs to get his flabby, muffin top ass moving. Today I started with guns, ultimately because it keeps me motivated, but in reality I simply feel I’m getting weak. I was very tired this morning at 5 AM, but I did what I had to do. These past few weeks have been really rough, work and school have been kicking my ass, and with that I’ve had real difficulty getting up in the mornings. Anyway, I’m back and that’s all you need to know. For the next 2-3 months I’m going to lift hard, really push myself and see how far I can take it. I just need to do it.
I would say that for some they are an addiction, I personally have always loved them, to see or have, either way they impress me immensely. I genuinely love tattoos, the art from behind prison walls to the more modern stuff, I always find myself staring when I see any. I have an itching for a new one, though I’ve been looking at an idea for a year, I’m not sure if everyone’s on board with the idea. Ultimately for me the idea is that there must be some significance to it, but people have different opinions on everything, and that is definitely one of them. I guess time will tell …
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed with the Photoshopping or the Tattoos.
I missed the gym this morning, so I went at lunch. Honestly it was pathetic, I need to get my fat ass moving, and I intend on pushing myself until I do. I ran less than 2 miles which for me is the bare minimum of what I should run in any 30 minute span of time. I did however have some nasty shin pains around the 6 minute mark which I’ll have to push through. I need to get myself back on track, hopefully I can find a way because I’m gaining weight at and incredible speed and really it’s unacceptable. I need to find that mix of music which will carry me forward. I’ve thought about running outside even, something to get me motivated, but I don’t think that will happen until I can run at a decent clip.
I like to think that I’m not really starting back at the gym, but really a month of fucking off has really created a gap in my ability to keep the weight off and the muscle on. I’m gonna try some things to tweak my weekly diet to drop some pounds fast but that has never worked before. Anyway I figured you, my internet public, have always kept me honest, and this is the only place I can really bare all and know you won’t judge me … oh wait, yes you will. Whatever, at least you’re kinder than the mirror. I’m realistic in that I’m not going to be showing “Chris style” abs in a week, but I intend on really trying hard to watch what I put in my mouf. Frankly I’m so sick of always saying I’m sick of being overweight and not doing anything about it. I need to take action. So like always, my body is a petri dish, and it’s time to get to experimenting. Like my dad always said, “nothing but being a pussy lasts forever, so quit being a pussy and try something different.” Or at least that’s what I could make out from in between throwing up his liver into the toilet and the sips he was taking from the vodka bottle. He’s the best! But anyway, I want to sit down and really work out the right way to lose weight, and stick to it. This was supposed to be a good year for me, at the gym and it’s turning out that I’ve been letting myself down.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this bullshit hiatus I’ve forced upon myself. I’m not sure why exactly I’ve been treating my body like the lining of a hooker’s vaginal walls, but it’s not good. This morning I’ve begun to try to harness myself back into some kind of a decent shape. I did not go back to the gym, but like I committed, I will return before the 1st of June. Though I need to seriously consider the shit I put into my mouf, and frankly it’s not good what I’ve been eating lately. Yesterday’s rumpus with the porcelain devil has really put the fear of God into me, it’s just an expression, don’t worry I still don’t believe. Anyway, on Mondays – Fridays, the days of the week where I truly have the best discipline I will no longer be eating the following:
NO BREAD! NO RICE! NO POTATO! NO PASTA! NO CANDY!
I intend to stick to the following diet:
Oatmeal/Yogurt – Fruit – Protein – Fruit – Protein
Wish me luck!
This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.
I tried this morning to get up at 5:00, I failed. I don’t feel very workout-ish, and I’ve been gaining weight like a fiend. I want to work out, frankly I need to work out, but I don’t seem to have the passion I used to. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that given the opportunity, I choose sleep. Does that make me weak, I cannot say. I do not think this is the end of the gym for me, but more a temporary hiatus. Temporary being the operative word here, I do “want” to get back into the groove, I just need to start.
I have had a brand new video game sitting, still in plastic, at my house for over half a year, that’s right, a fucking Final Fantasy game to boot. I have tried several times to sit down and get back into the gaming grove, but there has always been something else to pull me away. Frankly it’s not lack of desire, it’s purely lack of time, I am not sure why but I was so anxious to buy this game and now as I sit here and think about it, I’m almost afraid of getting too involved. Games become addicting and time demanding, and as one progresses through them, the need inside to want to play more increases to obsession. Frankly I think it’s smart that I’m avoiding this, but to be honest I have a itch to scratch, and not is driving me crazy. I don’t know if my self awareness of this demon and my avoidance of it makes me smarter or my reluctance to enjoy something I once used to love makes me a fool. The question is deeper than this topic allows, but I think it is all disguised as a maturity issue. What the hell am I talking about? Anyway, I think I owned everyone of the systems in the picture above.
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Funny as it is, frankly these past few weeks, I have had little if any motivation to get my fat ass in the gym. I want/need the sleep, and when I do get to the office it’s easier to just shower than it is to walk the half a block to the gym. I need something, so kind of energy and right now I’m just not feeling it, I think I may consider picking up heavy lifting again. Not only does it motivate but I see real results, and right now the only results I see is my fat gut. I am going to work out a new deal for June, and I’m fucking serious! Ladies and gentlemen, it’s lifting season again!
Next week I leave for some time away, much needed time away. Though don’t get me wrong, I like both my life and job, I think I need some sleep. The kind of sleep you get when you know you don’t have to wake up ever if you don’t want. The weekends in the real world are not the reward the weekdays make them out to be. The reality is I long for the warmth of the sun on my face, the kind which fills you from your toes to the hair on your head, like a blanket when you ill, there is nothing better. The gym has been great, heavy lifting is my favorite but I need to let my bones rest, let all the distractions of everyday life fade into the background for a bit. I am very tired. When I return it is my intention to go full speed into cardio like I’ve never before, but right now I just want to sit and stare at the locals in a warm beachy place. I will do little if any blogging, but that should be expected. Peace out homies, if we don’t speak sooner, I’ll see you in the Ides of March.
So I spent the last 18 Business Days Lifting heavy, it was pretty intense: Benching 115 pound dumbbells, Curling 90 pound dumbbells, 810 pound calf raises, both standing and using the leg press machine. The challenge was nice, and next weekend I will take measurements to see if I’ve made any substantial changes in size. But as March is upon us, March Madness is around the corner, and it’s time to get back to cardio. The lifting was fun while it lasted, but my goals are still to lose some more weight, I really rejuvenated my desire by grabbing the gym by the balls, not I need to use this momentum to rocket me forward. I am taking a short vacation in March, and then I’m off to the races. Some times its easy to get overwhelmed by this shit, be it self pressure or work pressures, but the reality is that its in me. I’ve got to stand up and push through. I set some pretty tough goals for 2010, and though I’d like to say I still believe I can achieve them, I am right now not in the place I need to be. Like my father always said, “Cash, Grass or Ass … Put Out or Get Out.” And for some reason there is a chilling rationale behind those god damned creepy words. I got to make this happen, me an no one else.
When all else fails, this is some sound advice.
